divorce.

Divorce. It’s something we are all afraid of when entering marriage. No one wants to imagine that they could fall out of love with the person they had chosen to be with for forever. Or that they could or would ever let anything get in the way of their love and devotion to one another.

Divorce is scary and it does happen, but it is much less likely to happen if we know the reality of marriage, its difficulties and the honest to goodness statistics.

Everyone throws around the statistic that half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce. That is simply untrue. The reality is that it takes 2 years to reach normalcy within marriage. You see, normalcy can only occur once you have experienced something at least twice, and can feel confident that you know what will occur in said set of circumstances. In two years, not only have you been through many different activities and scenarios, but you have been through two Christmases, Easters, Birthdays, Anniversaries, etc. You have had adequate time to figure out what your traditions will be as a couple, and will be able to begin to see a pattern of behavior develop.

Give your marriage time. Too often, people believe that if you can get your relationship to the point of readiness for marriage, then you will be home free; your relationship will be sure to succeed and will be perfect. That is not true. Marriage is not the end all, be all. It is a marvelous and amazing goal to set and accomplish, and with the proper effort, you can achieve great happiness and fulfillment, but it is not a necessary and sufficient indicator. It is so important to realize, and also remember, that sometimes the best things are really hard; but they are worth it. Don’t give up on your marriage just because it gets hard.

Couples who report having great marital issues towards the beginning of their marriage, when approached again 2 years later report greater happiness and seem to have, most times, overcome the challenges that seemed so impossible to overcome at the time.

Couples who do divorce within the first two years of marriage, most times, report regret in not holding out and trying harder to make it work and find solutions to their issues.

This is not to say that divorce is always wrong. Sometimes it just will not work out. Sometimes two people who are very unhappy in a relationship with each other, can find great happiness with someone else. So how do we know when to call it quits?

I am sad to say that there really is not a checklist of things when, if all marked, can mean that divorce is the right call. I think the only way you can know whether it is right is if you have tried all you can to make it work, and then have consulted your Heavenly Father and are led to a conclusion by the influence of the Holy Ghost and revelation. I also don’t know if you really will ever, or can ever, know for sure that it was the right call. But that’s pretty much true of all decisions we make in this life.

I know that it is hard. Either way, there will be hardships and trials. Marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness, and divorce can not solve all of your problems. There isn’t one set way to achieve happiness, nor a set guide to achieve it.

Give it time. Don’t give up. Be kind to yourself. Realize that you can make any situation a good one with your attitude and decide to learn from all things.